I don’t think anyone planning their wedding thinks they are going to get divorced. Because otherwise, duh, why get married? Of course, I am not walking into this union thinking that it won’t work out. I can’t imagine my life without Mr. BC. But the reality is that a lot of marriages do not end up making it. (Although, according to DivorceSource it sounds like that 50% divorce rate thing is not accurate. So, Yay!) Despite the fact that we’ve been together for 8 years, relationships take work. In an effort to create an even more stable union and hopefully learn more about each other, I bought this book:
Image via Amazon
While Mr. BC was in town, we took a day to each read the book and discuss our thoughts. I really enjoyed this book. It was a quick read for me, I think I finished in 2 hours. What I really liked about this book is it helped me identify things about myself. Seriously, I kind of shocked myself. In case anyone is unfamiliar with the book, Gary Chapman has identified five basic “love languages” that people identify with. His secret to a happy and fulfilling relationship is making sure that you know your partners love language, and that you’re speaking it (and of course, vice versa). People tend to love others the way they want to be loved, and it may not mesh with the way your partner actually needs to be loved. Very interesting stuff.
It took me a long time to identify my love language, but once I did (acts of service), I was floored! I totally thought I’d be Quality Time or Physical Touch (I love me some back rubs)… or heck, even meaningful gifts. But nope, after reading this book I realized that I feel loved, nurtured, and taken care of from a selfless act of service. I also realized that I love Mr. BC A LOT in my love language. Mind blown. But Mr. BC is not an Acts of Service kinda guy; he is a Quality Time kinda guy. I think I already knew this about him, but reading the book helped me solidify the idea that I really need to focus on trying to love him in the manner that he actually feels loved, supported and appreciated (just as I hope he would do for me).
It’s only been a few short days since we read the book, but I think I can already see a difference. Mr. BC texted me today and asked me if it would be helpful if he wrapped a present that I hadn’t gotten around to doing yet. (The box has been sitting on our living room floor for a few days.) And he told me he was reformatting my computer. (I’d been complaining that the computer was moving slow.) I also came home that evening to a re-hung picture which had fallen off the wall a couple of weeks ago. Awww, that is definitely speaking my language of love. And in return I am trying to spend more quality 1:1 time with him. I bought some games we can play together, and am going to try to turn the TV off a bit more and focus 100% of my attention on him.
Anyway, all in all, I’d definitely recommend the Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. I didn’t feel like it was a waste of time (or money) and I definitely got something out of reading the book. Divorce can suck it!
And just for fun, here is a totally gratuitous photo of my loves from later that same day: