Staying in the moment

Disclaimer… this post is weird.  It is mostly a brain dump, with the usual “give me your advice!” at the end.  (I’m nothing, if not consistent!)

While I’ve been engaged for a year and a half, and planning this wedding for the past 10 months, it still sometimes feels surreal.  My job revolves around planning someone eles’s life, so it’s easy to just plan and kind of “forget” that this is MY WEDDING!  (!!!!)  Like, OMG… I AM GETTING MARRIED IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC!  That is so exciting.  And I can’t believe it’s my life!

I seriously can’t wait to marry Mr. BC.  He is the best person I know, and he’s going to be a great husband.  But, to be perfectly honest, the idea of a wedding ceremony in front of people, and being the center of attention (and not to mention doing all of this internationally) is kind of overwhelming.  I have a really difficult time when I feel overwhelmed, and I struggle with anxiety.  When I am overwhelmed and anxious  my brain kind of  shuts off and goes on autopilot.

I am struggling with the idea of  how to really  enjoy all of the love and attention showered on me, but still stay completely in the moment.  I know the day is going to be a total whirlwind and pass by in the blink of an eye.  How do you savor every moment and stay present?  I really, really don’t want to be on auto-pilot on my wedding day.

I have been trying to visualize myself in Punta Cana with Mr. BC, and all of our loved ones, to test out the waters.  And embarrassingly enough, even in my visualizations, I am still a giant overwhelmed freak.  (I’m hopeless…)  So, my new game plan is to do this regularly.  Hopefully I can kind of desensitize myself, and that the more I can visualize myself in paradise, with Mr. BC and all our family and friends, the less overwhelming it will feel, and ultimately, the more I can relax and actually enjoy everything.  (I’m not much of a dreamer, so this is strange for me.  I also don’t want to over-inflate my visualizations and have them not live up to reality.)   Luckily, we are arriving in Punta Cana three days before the wedding.  I hope that during that time I can get my bearings, have several days of sun and relaxation (and drinks of the day!), and not freak out.

I also want to restate that the idea of marrying BC does not cause me any anxiety, it really is just all of the attention focused on me.  And knowing that a ton of emotions (all of which are good, but still) are going to be free flowing.  Seriously, just typing this blog out, the emotions are a little overwhelming.

I am in awe of people who plan huge weddings.  I feel overwhelmed and we have a headcount of a whopping 26 people. (All of which are our closest friends and family.) Any other bees out there finding wedding planning, and the idea of a wedding with lots and lots of loved ones, overwhelming?   Married bees, can you offer up any tricks or tips to combat anxiety?  How can I help myself to stay in the moment on my big day?

And just to end on the right note… here are some images via LOLcats.  hehe

lol cats 3

lol cat 1Anyone else remember Oregon Trail?

lol cats 2This so happens.

Images via I Can Has Cheezburger

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